how to impress your friends and family (even enemies)

Years ago a handyman did some work at my apartment, and afterward he asked me what I thought the hardest thing he did was. I can't remember what seemed difficult and impressive to me, but I was completely and predictably wrong. "Everyone always gets it wrong," said Matisse, the artistically named handyman. "They never understand what is hard and what is easy." (The hardest thing he did was to replace a mirrored sliding door without breaking the mirror, he said).

That's definitely true in cooking as well. What impresses people aren't the things you labor over, the tricky things you are so proud of. It's little, easy things that blow their minds, things which are so simple anyone could make them. In particular, it's the croutons.

My dear friend Kim (whom I've admired since high school) and I both love to cook. She's an amazing cook (in particular, I'll never forget a creme brulee she made for me, oh my). We laughed and laughed on one visit as I made some rosemary croutons to accompany a homemade soup. The croutons were practically an afterthought, an easy garnish, but as Kim said, "Every time I make croutons, people can't get over it." Imitating a guest, she said, "Oh my god, you made these?" with a moue of amazement.

I laughed and agreed. "Yeah, it's always the croutons. You could slave over a soup all day and spend two minutes on the croutons, but it's the croutons that they can't stop talking about."

The true secret to success for a homemade soup is making your own stock from scratch, but the secret to getting tons of praise and admiration is making your own croutons. Do both, and you'll succeed on all levels. (And as for stock: don't use canned or boxed stock. Just don't. And as for bouillon or oxo cubes: just walk on by, walk on by. It's so easy to make a magnificent stock at home, and you can freeze whatever you don't need. I like to freeze it in one and two cup increments, so I can grab and thaw exactly what I need for a soup or risotto. To make the simplest, yet wonderful stock, just take a large pot of water and throw in whatever flavorful vegetables and herbs you have on hand, such as celery, a bay leaf, an onion, a potato, some shallots, parsley, carrots, the butt ends of asparagus, etc... Bring it to a boil, lower the heat, and let it simmer for at least twenty minutes. Discard the vegetables, and you have a magnificent stock! If you want to get fancy, you can roast your chopped celery, onions, and carrots first to create what chefs call a "mirepoix" first before adding the water and cooking the stock. I could go on, but the topic of du jour is croutons and how to impress without breaking a sweat).

As well as the croutons, the other thing which unduly impresses people is homemade salsa. Making salsa is the easiest thing on earth. You just chop up a bunch of stuff, bung it into a bowl, and serve with tortilla chips. There's usually no actual cooking involved, but the way it affects people is dramatic. I have so many times have people cross-examine me. "There is no way you made this salsa. You say you made this? You didn't buy it?" Those same truthseekers, eager to ferret out any culinary misrepresentations, ate souffles, risottos, perfect pie crust, homemade ice cream, and thousands of more difficult delights at my table without questioning their provenance, but the salsa that took five minutes seems too good to be true.

So the next time you make soup (or open up a few cans of Campbell's), make some croutons. Astonish your guests with your amazing culinary skills.

Fresh Croutons

Take whatever sliced bread you have on hand and trim off the crusts from several pieces (one piece per person at least). You could use a lovely yuppie bread, or plain old Wonderbread, whatever is handy. Cut the bread into small squares; don't feel too anal about getting them perfect (remember: the magic of this is how little work you put into it).

Pour about 4 tablespoons of decent vegetable oil into a broad skillet (you should always have good olive oil about. Also, if you have any exotic oils about, this is a good chance to use them. Walnut oil, grapeseed oil, etc...: delightful, but plain old olive oil is yummy enough. I wouldn't use expensive truffle oil on this, but then you might be much wealthier than me). Heat the pan on medium.

Strew your bread squares about into the pan. Have a good spatula on hand and lay out some paper towels for draining (as an eco-sensitive type, I like to use a clean kitchen towel for this, but given that I must then launder it, it's a good question as to whether I am actually saving any of the earth's resources). Flip your croutons over and remove them after both sides are toasted. You may not leave the room during this part, but it only takes a minute or two to make all your croutons.

Optional: chop up some fresh rosemary and warm that up in the oil before you make the croutons. Fresh garlic is also an option, but rosemary truly makes the most delicious croutons.

Now serve your soup, sprinkling the croutons on top, and bask in the praise.